Kenny in France
by Animegrl421
Summary: Kenny goes to France with saved money.  Texts with Kyle, and following a certain shovel-wielding mercenary ensues. M for language and sexual references.  NOT KENNY/CHRISTOPHE SLASH


A lonesome man lunged from the ladder of the burning building, thankful for emergency fire escapes. He looked up to the highest set of windows on the skyscraper, searching for any life inside. Finding no movement other than that from the flames, he smiled crookedly. The flames danced around the building, making its way down to every floor. Luckily, very few remained on this holiday of Mardi Gras, and the life that he knew for certain was there before had already long-gone. He took out a much needed cigarette from a torn pocket of his black jacket before placing it to his chapped lips. He grabbed a pack of matches as well, before looking to the descending flames with a furrowed eyebrow. Shrugging, he put back the matches. Once the flames reached the lowest level, he placed the tip of the cigarette to them, wondering whether he'd catch fire with it.

When he didn't, he smiled smugly and took the now-lit cigarette between his lips. Breathing in deeply, he closed his eyes and turned from the building. He heard sirens approaching, but paid them no heed as he opened a nearby man hole. Crawling in, he closed the cover back into place.

At the foot of the ladder, lay his trusty shovel, unfortunately unneeded for this mission, but still wanted. Putting on the nightvision goggles his boss gave him, he strapped the metal object to his back and walked on toward headquarters.

-0-

A blond man sat at the café, taking in his surroundings. _Typical, _he thought, _the moment I finally get money enough to travel all the way to France from Colorado I have to go alone with no entertainment… I should've begged Kyle more. _He thought back to his friends, more specifically to the redheaded Jew, Kyle.

_He held onto the ledge of the window, climbing over just barely making it. Finding the window cracked slightly, he pulled it fully open and jumped inside. Panting from the climb, he made his way to the sleeping figure of a ginger. "Kyyyyllllle?" he whispered. He poked the body under the covers slightly, "Kaaaahhhhlll?" he repeated with an accent this time._

_A muffled gargle noise sounded from the blankets as the body shuffled away from the poking finger. The blond smiled before climbing into the bed next to his friend. "Kyle?" he said breathily, "Oh, God, baby!" Moaning now, he rubbed his hand across the body. _

_He had to bite his lip to keep from laughing as the boy flew up at this motion, practically falling off the bed in his haste to get away from the pervert. With wide eyes now forming into a glare, Kyle growled, "Kenny! What. The. Hell?"_

"_France, Kaaahhhlll!" Kenny whined out, once more stressing the boy's name._

"_Out." Kyle said, pointing to the open window._

_Kenny put on his best puppy-dog look, "You're in French class, Kyyyye, you have the power!" Kenny announced. Then added in a hasty low voice, "Study abroad, Kyle, study abroad!" Hoping the voice sounded like God or Kyle's conscience, he crossed his fingers and awaited the answer excitedly._

_Kyle groaned, "Out." _

_Kenny gave him a disappointed look, "B-but…." Seeing the angry look on the boy's face, he turned to the window, climbing over it and to the outside. Then, fingers grasping the ledge, he leant himself up to see the room once more. "Wait, why can't I use the front door?" _

_The window slammed shut, skimming the tips of his fingers._

Kenny smiled at the memory, supposing he probably shouldn't have repeatedly annoyed the redhead at every open moment for an entire month prior to the sneak-in, but he couldn't help himself. France was a big deal, he wanted someone to share it with…

Looking around himself once more, he placed his head in his hand, elbow on the table. He was so bored. He never thought somewhere so celebrated for its greatness could be so much like Colorado. Albeit, he had spent over a week there already and went ecstatic sight-seeing 24/7 literally with no sleep….

_Wait, what the Hell?_ Kenny perked up in his seat, eyes following the metal cover of a man hole being shoved away by a hand below. He watched a rugged-looking brunette climb out half-way. The man cursed under his breath before looking at him. Their eyes met, _"Dammit, wrong place." _the man cursed his luck in French.

Kenny stared harder, wondering what the guy had just said. Main reason for being so confused and wanting Kyle with him other than entertainment? He didn't know the language. Stupid right? Coming to a new country on an entirely new continent with no knowledge of the language, but he couldn't be bothered with it anyways. Watching the man closer still, he heard more of the language, and judging by the tone the man was angry with him. Raising an eyebrow, he observed still.

The brunette growled at him, cursing in his native tongue once more before ducking into the manhole, covering it once inside. Kenny watched, shrugging off the encounter just as he had many stranger ones beforehand in Colorado. He grabbed his phone from his pocket.

_Saw some guy climb outta a sewer thing from the road. Had on some weird ass goggles and I think a shovel on his back. Hot from what I saw, but possibly mentally unstable. _He texted, sending it to his three closest friends. His phone _dinged _with a response almost immediately after.

_Kenny, don't tell me you're seriously thinking about how "hot" a guy who is clearly having some mental problems is? Wait, don't tell me you're already following him or something! I know you Kenny- STOP FOLLOWING HIM! Remember the last time you followed this random hot guy who said he was from outer-space? _

Laughing to himself as he read the reply, and grasped his phone tighter. He pointed it to the bottom of the sewer to light his way, having already climbed down despite Kyle's warning. He wriggled his nose at the smell, but continued on the journey. He could see the path was straight for a while longer so he decided to risk it and text back to his friend.

_Yes, I do remember, and it'd be the most amazing sex I'd ever had if it weren't for him trying to eat me, and not the good "eat me", half-way through. Seriously though, Kye, why do you expect the worse from me? Why would I follow some random guy? For his hotness only? You think so little of me. Should I be offended? D,:_

He held back a laugh, knowing the walls would echo the sound and the guy would find him. To tell the truth, he wasn't sure what made him want to follow the man, but he had a feeling to and he always gave into his feelings.

He lit up his path once more to see the man just up ahead. Dimming his phone's light and turning it on silent now, he slowed his pace and followed. The brunette paused, and so did Kenny. Then, the man walked once more, turning down the path and toward a new opening. Climbing the ladder to the opening, he was about to open the manhole when the sound of talking stopped him.

"And this area leads you toward the main sewage system. Be careful in stepping, don't want to fall in, do we?" an obvious Frenchmen said in English.

The man hurried his pace, cursing mentally at how late he was. Tours weren't supposed to start until an hour _after _he was to of left the sewer. Kenny blinked at the tour group coming down the opposite direction. _They have sewage tours here? Why didn't Kye tell me that when I asked about the coolest sights? _Shaking his head, he followed where the man had just left. The group of enthusiastic tourists and their guide came closer, not seeing him only due to pure luck.

Outside, he placed the metal cap back on before running after the guy once more. Stalking the man, he checked his phone to find another text from Kyle, as well as one from Cartman.

_The fuck, Kenneh? I told ya not to tell meh bout pansy-ass France. As if you weren't gay enough._

Kenny smiled, having only sent the text to annoy his friend. Checking the list, he found Kyle's reply,

_Sigh, you only think about sex. That's how I know. In fact, the day you stop thinking about sex, tell me, I'm going to mark it on my calendar. Anyway, be careful following strange men, we're not there to help you out if you need help like last time. And, yes, you'd follow anyone based on physical appearance. Actually, I'm sure you'd follow any_thing _or anyone for physical appearance. And seriously, Kenny? I think being eaten alive during intercourse makes that time a bad one by default. No matter how "great" it was beforehand._

Kenny laughed, sending out a quick reply after checking his distance from the man once more.

_Aww, Kye-Kye, are you jealous? ;) Physical is what makes sex, sex! Without it, there's no movement, and where would that get us? Unsatisfied, that's where. And being eaten isn't during sex, it's foreplay, Kyle! D:_

He hit the 'send' button before placing the phone back into his pocket. The man paused at an alley before walking into it. Kenny followed at a much slower pace. He looked around the alley, but saw nothing. He could have sworn he saw the man go into the space, but now…

He walked further in, a hand on the back of his head in confusion. _Damn, I lost hi-_ Kenny paused mid-thought seeing black a second later.

-0-

"Christophe!" a British-accented voice cried out, "what is the meaning of this? You better have a good excuse for being so late, if not I swear I'm going to cut-who's that?"

Christophe placed the blond in his arms down on his boss's desk. "I was followed."

The blond British man raised an eyebrow, "Is this why you're late, some scrawny spy-"

Christophe winced, knowing how pathetic his excuse would sound, "I gotlostinthesewer…"

"Excuse me?" the man questioned, growing impatient.

"I got lost in the sewer, dammit!" Christophe declared. "You didn't write me a fucking map-"

"What happened to the one we gave you to get to the destination?"

"I didn't think-"

"That's for certain." the blond murmured.

Christophe growled, "I didn't think," he said louder this time. "That it had the directions here on it. You never cared for details when it came to where, Gregory." In his anger, his native French accent overcame his tone, thickly coating his words. "Besides, it's not like getting here on time matters as much as interrogating this bastard."

Gregory leaned back into his chair. "You sure he was following you?"

Christophe gave an indignant huff, "Are you seriously asking _me_ if I'm _sure-"_

Gregory cut him off, "You are a bit paranoid," he explained, holding a hand up to silence his partner. "Especially after the last dog fight."

"I swear those dogs follow me everywhere! Goddammit, I bet He's up there laughing at this right now." Christophe said, looking up to the ceiling with hatred burning in his eyes.

Gregory rolled his eyes, "I hardly think it's God's fault that your sent of terror brought them onto you."

"What else am I supposed to feel, _happy?" _he asked sarcastically. "Fuck that. This guy is a spy. He followed me through the sewers and all. Wasn't very good though. Used his freaking phone for light. And I saw him before at a stop up to see where the Hell I was. He was at some random café."

Gregory groaned, "Did it ever occur to you that maybe he was people-watching and you happened to be a point of interest since you came up from a fucking _manhole_ like a fucking _idiot?"_

"Man needs to learn to keep out of other people's business either way. I still think he's a spy though, and demand an interrogation!"

Gregory sighed and turned his chair away from the Frenchman, waving a hand to the door he said, "Fine, fine, just go, I'm tired of looking at you."

-0-

Kenny drifted in and out of a hazy concussion-driven sleep, his thoughts barely able to comprehend he was awake. He caught snippets of information, the name "Gregory" being one, "Christophe" being the man he followed. It wasn't until he awoke in a chair that he even realized he knew these names. Or even that he was captured.

Shifting in the seat, Kenny blinked tiredly. His vision slowly cleared with each slow blink of his eyelids, until only black spots remained. Looking around the room, his mind entered a more-receptive state. "Wha-where….how?" he slurred out, now fully seeing the dark concrete room around him. The room was dank, with only one small lightbulb, which swung directly over his immobile body.

Groaning, he tried once more to move, only to find his hands and feet tightly fastened to the chair. Moving his wrists, he felt the warmth of the rope wrapped around him. "Why…" he murmured, information flooding his mind, "Oh, yeah… "

"_I see you're awake, about damn time!"_ a voice sounded from behind Kenny. Said-boy turned to find the man he had followed staring at him with a dark look in his eyes and a cigarette burning between his lips. "Let's cut the bullshit, who the fuck do you work for?" the man asked in a gruff, yet accented voice. Kenny quietly thanked whatever higher power he had asked in English.

Kenny blinked at the man in confusion. "Um, South Park's Raisins?" he more questioned, than answered.

The brunette huffed, smoke puffing from his mouth. _Much like the caterpillar from "Alice in Wonderland" _Kenny mused to himself. _Wait, focus, Kenny, focus. _ A Kyle-toned voice reminded him. _This could be like the alien-guy situation, except kinkier. _the voice continued. Kenny smirked, _Never thought Kyle would say something like "kinky"! _he mused. _Dammit, Kenny! FOCUS!_

Kenny straightened in his chair, eyeing the man who now stood directly in front of him. "Stop playing games with me, I know Von Howard sent you!"

Kenny tried not to, he really did, but he couldn't help but let a few laughs slip, "Wait, what? Von Howard? Who names their child, Von Howard? It sounds like some sorta joke!"

Christophe lost patience, which typically would have already ended by now, "Dammit, just tell me who the fuck you work for and why you were sent to follow me, or else!"

Kenny raised an eyebrow, and had to bite his lip to force himself not to ask "Or else what?" Wait, he did just ask it? Dammit! He needed to listen to his inner Kyle-voice more! …Or maybe that was the inner Kyle-voice saying he should listen to it more? Shaking his now more-confused head, he listened to the brunette once more.

"You're gonna make sounds worse than a dying giraffe! That's fucking 'what else!'"

Kenny once more forced down laughs, the man was being totally serious, after all. He deserved an honest response for his efforts, "Mm, sounds rough. I like it rough." he found himself moaning to the man.

Christophe's eyes narrowed, "You think this is a joke?" he asked, his accent becoming more thick in anger. "You think I'm fucking _joking?" _he continued. _"I'm not fucking joking, you idiot! Do you want me to fucking kill you?"_

_Ah, French again…_ Kenny thought to himself, _Yeah, I'm just gonna ignore it and hope it goes away. _

An awkward silence followed Christophe's words. _"Speak, you Goddamn idiot!"_

…

The silence continued, this time with Kenny's eyes closed. "Well?" the man asked in English now.

_Does this mean my plan actually worked? I ignored the French and it went away! _Kenny smiled widely, smug with his correct plan.

"_Are you listening at all?"_

_Damn…_

"So does this mean I get whipped? If so, can you gag me, it's kinkier that way…" he said, wondering if he answered correctly.

The man literally _growled _at him. "Dammit, just answer my questions!"

"Wait, so you want me to answer questions? As in, we're not going to…" He moved to make a motion with his hands, only to remember they were tied.

Groaning, Christophe glared at the boy before him. _This guy's good…_ he admitted.

-0-

Days later, Kenny was released, well, more like thrown out. With no proof against him, and Gregory's arguing to let the obviously dumb boy leave, Christophe could only follow orders and let him go on his way. Kenny tried to go back, but they refused to let him inside, and Christophe yelled through the door how he would kill him with the shovel if he didn't _"get the fuck out" _of there.

He left France soon after, (well, after that and the sewage tour, of course) and texted to Kyle how he hadn't been able to reply because he'd been tied up, literally and couldn't reach his phone with his hands tied. He ignored the "I told you so" reply.

_**End**_

_**~Dedicated once again to My Dear Occulta, without whom I would have never thought of a Kenny oneshot with Christophe drama~**_


End file.
